Greetings, my sloppy slushies. Have you ever been famished after a night’s run at the bars? Do you find your mouth full of excess saliva, not only from lack of water, but the growing hunger howls from within? As a professional 21-year-old, I took it upon myself to answer these burning questions.

This past weekend, I scouted out the best food joints that will guarantee to satisfy the drunk cravings one may experience. For three nights I trudged from bar to bar, where after a few rum and cokes and salty palomas, I ended the evening at some of Seattle’s most esteemed restaurants. As a brief disclaimer, I would like to note that no livers were harmed in the making of this review. This doesn’t apply to my dignity… may I one day be reunited with it.

Lost Lake: This establishment truly lives up to its name. Seriously. As to where the lake is—it is lost on me. Jokes aside, this a classic destination after going ham at Cha Cha’s or Rhein Haus. One can ensure that their experience is a pleasurable one by ordering chicken strips with a side of honey mustard. Love is a mystical thing to me, but during those 10 minutes I was eating that deep fried chicken thigh, I was practically a new woman. Imagine, sitting across from your friend, who apparently has a twin because there’s two of them, and delving into a basket filled with greasy fries and chicken niblets. Not only are you in good company, but chicken strips will have never tasted better than in that moment.

BONUS: Always be cautious before munching on hot food. You may wake up the next morning and question where the first layer of skin on your tongue went.

Tacos Guaymas: This quaint little taco joint located on Broadway and Pike has all your end of bar hopping desires. From tortilla soup to burritos, you can’t go wrong with this late night snack. Did I mention affordable?

Because this is one establishment I know won’t break my bank account.

PRO TIP: If you are getting tacos, I suggest you try one with lengua. This dish is a must because it also comes with rice and beans. Since all these cool facts are being brought up, I might as well mention that on Friday and Saturday, Tacos Guaymas is open until 2 a.m . That’s right: 2 a.m.. Your drunk self will thank me later.

Your kitchen: What? Going out three nights in a row can swipe your debit card clean. I’m a college student and a journalism major. I know where my finances stand.

The best tactic for this is to first rummage through your cabinets. Often you will find hidden gems. On Saturday evening, I fell upon an unopened Kraft Mac and Cheese package. Filling a pot with water and placing it on the stovetop, I waited until it was 100 C, also known as boiling. The steps following involved me straining the noodles after they had been cooked, and then adding cheese and almond milk to the pot, making that delicious, naturally orange color.

Of course, you don’t have to do macaroni. If you happen to stumble upon pita chips or the uneaten fruit cake from Christmas, go forth, my reader. The kitchen is there to do as you please.

SHOUTOUT: Thanks to my roommate for the mac and cheese. I’m sorry you had to find out this way. I promise to buy you a new box.

There are countless places I could continue reviewing, but these are some of the hot spots I’ve hit up throughout the year. Of course, if I had both time and a longer word count, the list would extend to destinations such as Hot Mama’s Pizza, Sizzle Pie, Rancho Bravo, Dick’s, Cafe Presse, the Hot Dog Joint Outside Rhein Haus, Ba Bar and many more. So please, my fellow Redhawks, see how you can expand your food pallet after a night of fun. Seattle is your oyster, and you’re one of the ones.

Shelby may be reached at
[email protected]