To my faithful minions,
As this year comes to a close, I must share a truth that can no longer stay secret. I, Shelby (none of your damn business) Barnes, am writing as your A&E Editor for the last time. This, though as tragic as it may be, is something we must push through. If we can withstand the breakup of the Cheetah Girls or sit through an ASPCA commercial, we can do this.
Like any decent human being, I’m not going to leave y’all hanging. So, for old times sake and my editors sanity, here some highlights of 2016-2017 college edition.
1. Scrunchies: Who knew the 90’s would ever make a comeback. Pair that scrunchie with some overalls, turn on “Hey Arnold” and you’ll truly be embodying the decade. FUN FACT: If you thought Arnold was wearing a kilt, think again, because it’s actually a plaid button up. #isthisevenreality?
2. Hoverboards: What’s better than walking? Not walking. These slick pieces of explosive metal guarantee a sick ride as you make your way to class. Being on fire has never been more lit.
3. Dabbing: If five-year-olds can do it, so can you. Shoving your head into the crook of your arm is a definite fast check track to the cool kids table. FUN FACT: If you get close enough to the wall, you may hit your head hard enough to forget that you ever wanted to dab.
4. Slang: Its hecka kewl bruv 2 cut wordz. G-Ma luvs it, and employers dig dis shiznit.
5. Shelby’s first editorial: Woops. Sorry. Don’t know how this got here (but if you feel like reading about the crimson wave, I’ll happily accept another reader).
6. ‘One of the Ones’: There’s nothing better than having a university campaign that applies to anyone and everything. Ghandi? One of the ones. Tinder date with a foot fetish? One of the ones. Your mom? One of the ones. It’s great for conversation and perfect for when you want to be vague.
7. The sticker on the chapel: This has truly been the highlight of the year. Current and prospective students get not only the a-ok to commit arson, but learn the importance of fact checking one’s quotes. FUN FACT: St. Ignatius didn’t say that. It’s a giant typo for the world to see. #doyouevenfactcheckSU?
That’s a wrap you scallywags. It’s been a pleasure spewing my inner thoughts on y’all. Don’t despair, though. Consider me the Terminator of the Spectator, because I’ll be back… NEXT YEAR.
The editor you’ll always find at a bar
Shelby Barnes, Former A&E Editor