The Guidance Counselor on Friend Breakups

Emily is not a licensed guidance counselor, but neither was Ann Landers.

Some general advice…

Well, folks. This is my last issue as your Guidance Counselor, and something I’ve learned from this position is that people are more similar than they tend to believe. Additionally, people are more willing to help than you think they are, so ask for it. Try to find a healthy balance that fits your life, in the contexts of diet, exercise, socialization, and substance use regulation. Nobody cares if you don’t go to the party. Try to be reflective on your role and the impact you have on those around you. If you work hard, you’ll never regret it. Strong handshakes are important. Always prioritize self care and loving yourself, and do what it takes to be happy and self-sufficient. Be intentional, considerate, and curious. It’s okay to be vulnerable. Figure out when to take chances and when to be reserved, it will take trial and error. People critique you less than you think. Don’t say it unless it’s necessary, true, and kind. And lastly, never minimize your own importance or impact—you can do anything you put your mind to.


Q:

I was friend-dumped by my best friends last year and it totally crushed me. I see my old friends together having fun and I feel like I’m an ugly stupid outcast who is not worthy of their friendship. How should I get through this?


A:

feel like romantic break-ups are often considered as the ultimate of devastating scenarios, but platonic separations are seriously damaging! I’m sorry that that happened to you. It’s crucial to reflect on when to hold onto things and when to let them go. Sometimes, I’ll allow myself a specific amount of time to wallow before being constructive and making moves to get past it. You’ve had time to mourn and you need to stop thinking about them. I know it can be hard if you see them regularly, but pretend they’re not even there. Not in a way where you’re putting more effort into thinking about and avoiding them, but try pretending that you never knew that they existed in the first place. Spend time with other friends, direct your efforts and energy to people that matter, and refrain from being bitter, spiteful, or vengeful. Move on quietly and love yourself loudly. Good luck!


Thanks for a great few years,
Emily

To submit a question, visit guidance-counselor.tumblr.com

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