The Guidance Counselor on Sex and Breakups

Emily is not a licensed guidance counselor, but neither was Ann Landers.


Q:

I really want to have sex with my roommate but I feel like it’s a bad idea.
Advice? Experience?


A:

As a rule of thumb, don’t be intimate with roommates, coworkers, or your friend’s exes (unless you seriously get the all-clear). You’re right; it is a bad idea. If you have a third roommate, it’s an even worse idea. Moving out is already stressful, and it’s only going to be worse if it’s happening sooner because of your involvements and will be especially worse if you two aren’t on good terms anymore. Keep it classy.


Q:

My boyfriend wants to do anal, and I’m not sure if that’s something I want to do. We’ve been dating for 3 years and I’m pretty sure we’re going to get married at some point. But no one usually marries the girl who does anal, right?


A:

Do it if you want to (look online for tips on getting into it), don’t if you don’t (don’t tolerate insistent pressuring from your boyfriend), and try experimenting if you’re not sure. People marry people that they love, usually I guess, so try not to let your idea of gender stereotypes and associated behaviors dictate your future. You’ll feel better if you let it go, I promise. Also, if y’all do get married, you have plenty of time to decide if you want to try anal sex or not.


Q:

How do you get over a broken heart? She dumped me out of the blue and I’ve never been so devastated.


A:

I wish there was a better answer, but ultimately you’ve gotta power through. Give yourself some time to wallow, and then be productive. Set yourself small goals: clean your room, cook a nice meal, go on a walk or run through the city. Try to do things to take your mind off it: hang out with other friends, go hiking (sup OAR), and don’t date until you’re ready. Be conscientious about your substance intake if you’re one to cope with intoxication. When you do get into dating, make sure that you’re able to isolate the incident and that you won’t be wary of future partners or make them deal with the grief that you’re feeling now. That’ll take self-reflection, patience, and maybe some trial and error, but err on the side of safety. Remind yourself that you’re royalty and treat yourself as much as you want (or need), because you deserve it.


Happy Halloween!
Emily

To submit a question, visit guidance-counselor.tumblr.com

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