The Guidance Counselor on Older Friends and Cheating Boyfriends

Emily is not a licensed guidance counselor, but neither was Ann Landers.


Q:

I’m an underclassman and I want to be friends with the cool upperclassmen. How do I do it?


A:

Haha, right on. If, and only if, you’re invited to a party of your older potential buds, always thank them for having you over. Don’t bring a bunch of your younger friends (maybe 1-2, and ask first). Be respectful of their house, and hell, it doesn’t hurt to help gather empty cans at the end of the night. That being said, don’t overstay your welcome. If you see even a single member of the house turning in for the night, leave – no questions. If you’re not invited, don’t go, and try to connect at an event where you’re not in their space and you are talking about common interests or participating in a collective activity. You’ll probably learn soon that grade levels hold less social significance than they did in high school. People are friends with people they get along with, and proximity and mutual acquaintances helps.


Q:

Hi Emily, I need some help. I looked through my bf’s phone (I know, I know) and found a bunch of sexts between him and this girl he used to hook up with. He asked her for nudes and stuff too. He also told her that he had a 3-some a couple months ago and asked if she’d be down. He sent her pix too and I am devastated. I don’t know if that stuff was true but we’ve been exclusive since May of this year. How should I have a confrontation with him? Idk what to say even because I know he’ll be mad that I snooped.


A:

Hey, Anon. Dang, this is a huge bummer and I’m really sorry. Regardless of if it was true or not, he sounds like a garbage man and you should get out of this situation pronto. I don’t think that you need to have a confrontation—just gather your belongings that are at his house, calmly tell him that it’s over, and keep ample distance. Usually, and almost always, I would advise to talk about it, but I don’t think that he deserves even that much more of your time or energy. If you feel the need to snoop through your SO’s phone, emails, etc. then the relationship already isn’t going well and should be reconsidered. If actual cheating is involved, then that’s just mounting (and critical) evidence on ending it. Oh, and in regards to future contact: even if he says he’ll change, it’s highly unlikely that you can ever happily be with him without the muted panic that he’s still pulling this stuff, and the desire to snoop will be hard to resist.


Bye!
Emily

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