The Guidance Counselor on Shaving Heads, Resilience and Virginity

Emily is not a licensed guidance counselor, but neither was Ann Landers.

Q:

Should I shave my head? I’m a girl. Have you ever done it?


A:

Yes, me too, and no.


Q:

I notice you have a scar. What happened and can you speak to resilience?


A:

Woah okay, yes, I confirm that this is true. I’ve been sitting on this one in my inbox for a while. Resilience is taxing when people acknowledge the scar instead of the interior damage that it represents. When I was a freshman at SU, I was hit by a drunk driver at 100 mph and was in a comatose, seizured, hemorrhaged, and multi-fractured state. I wish I could tell you some wild epiphanies, but what comes to mind is that people can be awful and the justice system is a drag. But here’s this: spend time with the people who deserve it, and don’t with people who bring you down, don’t respect you, or cause you anxiety about interacting with. It’s cool to be friendly, approachable, curious, and empathetic. Spend time on yourself and do things you enjoy because you enjoy them. Try to befriend yourself, but recognize that some days you may dislike being you, and that’s okay. Try to be adaptable because sh*t can change real fast and it’ll be easier on you if you are. I dunno, that’s all I’ve got right now, so let me know if you want insight on something more specific.


Q:

Shout out to the 18yo virgin! I didn’t lose my virginity until 20 at SU and frankly I would have been okay with waiting even longer. It was something I was really eager to get done too and I jumped on it as soon as the option was there. But doing it for the wrong reasons left a bad vibe to it all and I really wish I had waited (possibly even longer).


A:

Yeah! Cool thing when anons reach out to each other, and I totally agree with healthy vibing instead of feeling stressed to “get it done”. There’s some wack pressure on women on being virginal but non-prudish (but also not a tease or a slut), so it’s best to be impermeable to it and do what feels good for you (and is safe, obvi). Especially because virginity is a hetero-normative social construct that only really applies to women to try to convince you that something is different about you post-penetration… Ugh, anyway, female sexuality has long been controlled and manipulated and one of the best ways to resist societal pressure is to act with autonomy, rationality, and compassion.

HAGS!
Emily

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